I wish . . .

Someone please make sure that this song is sung at my funeral:

DEAD MANS WILL
By: Iron and Wine/Calexico

Give this stone to my brother
Because we found it playing in the barnyard
Many years ago
Give this bone to my father
He'll remember hunting in the hills
When I was ten years old

May my love reach you all
I locked it in myself and buried it too long
Now that I've come to fall
Please say its not too late
Now that I'm dead and gone

Give this string to my mother
It pulled the baby teeth she keeps
Inside the drawer
Give this ring to my lover
I was scared and stupid not to ask
For her hand long before

May my love reach you all
I lost it in myself and buried it too long
Now that I've come to fall
Please say its not too late
Now that I'm dead and gone


I have no Idea why this song resonates with me so much, but I think there are times that everyone, be you a angst-ridden college student or a teamster, must contemplate his or her own mortality. I don't mean to be morbid, but the subject has been on my mind as of late, in no small part due to me listening to this song on repeat to help me sleep. The funny thing is, it keeps me awake, despite the soft folk stylings of Iron and wine, (which I highly recommend by the by). All I can think about is what it is that I have done with my life thus far, and all that still is left to be done.

Sometimes I think it would be interesting to have a George Bailey experience and see what would happen to the world you knew if you had never been born. What would my High School have looked like, what would Biola be like, what would my torrey group be like if I had never shown up? Would things be better? Worse? Or, in the worst possible scenario, would nothing have changed? What if I have had so little effect on the people around me that nothing is different? This isn't a pity-party or a desperate cry for attention on my part, but rather an honest question of myself.

So here I sit in my living room (which, incidentally, has become my living quarters for my stay at home due to the reposession of my old quarters by my dear, loving sister), asking myself a question to which I do not have the answer; What am I going to do about this? I suppose I could sit and mope about whether or not people see my contributions or my inability to articulate myself in any coherent manner when around members of the opposite sex, but I've tried that before, and all it does is cement your face into a permanent frown. So, as I have nothing better to do . . . I'll make a list (don't tell Reynolds!!!).

Things I would like to do with my life before I am dead and gone, serious or trivial
(This is not definitive, by any means, but it's a start)
1. Write a song that makes people cry
2. Live on the east coast
3. Show my parents they raised me right
4. Have a white christmas
5. Remember the wrath of God as well as his grace
6. Find a girl who isn't just settling for me
7. Try every single existing brew of Root Beer
8. Love the Lord more than I did the day before

I guess what I'm trying to say is best said in the song that I started with.

"May my love reach you all
I locked it in myself and buried it too long
Now that I've come to fall
Please say it's not too late
Now that I'm dead and gone"

Hopefully, Before I'm dead and gone