Easter has always been an interesting day for me, to say the least. I'm never entirely sure how to feel. Don't get me wrong, I will always be excited because of the risen Christ our Lord, but I for one, have a tendency to get so bogged down in Good Friday that sometimes it is difficult for me to rejoice in the fulfilment of my salvation. Realizing the enormity of Christ's sacrifice in relation to the enormity of my sin . . . I cannot fathom the grace that is given me. How underserving am I of his love? How pure and blameless the lamb that was slain for a dirty, ungrateful soul like me! My unworthiness, my sin, my iniquities cry out in the depths of my soul along with the Sanhedrin "CRUCIFY HIM!!" And yet Christ still dies in my stead? Now, these are not wrong things to feel; in fact, one of the biggest problems with modern Christianity is that most believers never come to this point. Without a realization of one's own depravity, the realization of Salvation does not seem like that big of a deal. But what is wrong with my situation, and with many others I have discussed this with, is that on Easter morning, instead of rejoicing in the resurrection, all I can see is my own unworthiness.
This is NOT the right response!! Christ did not die in order that we might feel guilty and undeserving for all eternity, he died that we might live!!!!! There is a time and a place for introspection, for the realization of sin and our need for the blood of Christ, but that is not the final realization we should come to. I think there comes a point where one needs to move from this place of despair to a place of Joy and Gratitude for the amazing grace we have been given.
That is what these past two days have taught me . . . that it is okay to be happy. We need not navel gaze our lives away. It is okay to enjoy a game of volleyball, to run across creeks in the only pair of pants you brought with you, to eat good food with good friends, to stop driving for the sole purpose of frolicking in a field to your hearts content, to try on silly clothes in vintage stores, to sing and make music into the night with people you hardly know, to sit on a dock and look at the stars with someone who is close to your heart, to have JOY in life!
And perhaps even to find joy in writing a term paper, or reading a philosopher who is way over your head . . . which I must go do now. Thank you Josh for the companionship and excitement, be it jumping around in grass or chopping down trees with swords, Dave for the music and the insight, Anna for your quiet diginity in putting up with three crazy boys in a small car, and Morielle for your passion and the light you bring to my life and wherever you walk.
Friday, April 21, 2006
Monday, April 03, 2006
If you can't fix him . . .
*DISCLAIMER: This blog contiains nothing definitive or even remotely intelligent; it is merely the excess musings of a very confused college student.
"Before anything else I declare that this youth, Alyosha, was in no sense a fanatic, nor even in my opinion at any rate a mystic at all. I shall state in advance my opinion; he was simply an early lover of mankind, and if he had struck out along the monastery road it was only because he had at that time made a strong impression on him and presented itself to him as, so to speak, an ideal of deliverance for his soul, straining as it was out of the murk of worldly hatred unto the lights of love."
"Add to this that he was in part a youth of our most recent times, that is to say honest by his very nature, demanding truth and justice, seeking and striving to believe in them and, having come to do so, demanding with all the power of his soul an immediate part in them, demanding a quick deed, with the unbending desire to sacrifice everything for that deed, even his life."
-The Brothers Karamozov, Fyodor Dostoyevsky
To tell you the truth, I'm getting very tired of these kinds of questions, but in light of my understanding of the Brothers K it is a question that needs to be asked; What shall we do with Alyosha? The question seems absurd to most people who have read the book, seeing as Alyosha is the one that we sympathize the most; he is the one who is trying to heal his family from all the dysfunction and madness that threatens to consume it. Of course he is less of a threat than the over-intellectual Ivan and the base-driven Mitya, right? Hmmmmmmmm. . . . maybe the answer is't as clear as one might think. Sure Mitya is the one who revels in his base pleasures, but who is he likely to harm by his actions? Besides the odd house servant, only himself. Ivan? Although he is unnervingly intelligent and could probably think circles around any other character in the book, this does not serve to his credit. All his rationale and philosophy leaves him alone in his house, raving mad, unable to do harm to, again, anyone but himself. But Alyosha . . . this is where things get interesting.
Most of this has been brought about when I learned that Dostoyevsky intended to write a sequel to his novel The Brothers Karamozov in which the Alyosha that we all know and love becomes a revolutionary (that is, he would have written it if he hadn't died first). Yes, our dear humble and religious minded Alyosha ends up a revolutionary. This, while it should not totally change your view of Alyosha, colors our perceptions of him, especially in regards to the passages listed above. This may serve to confuse even more, seeing as characteristics such as being an "early lover of mankind", and "demanding truth and justice" are not normally considered character flaws. These things are not necessarily dangerous, but can be within the right person. Why is Alyosha "this" person? Two things, the first of which is this; Dostoyevsky makes it painfully clear that Alyosha is on the religious path because it is what happened to make the strongest impression on him at the time, and he decided that this would be the instrument for the "deliverance of his soul". If socialism had gotten to him first, he would have been the most gung-ho socialist you ever set your beady little eyes on. What does this show us? That Alyosha is not in the monastery for the right reasons; he is an imressionable youth looking for relief for his soul. He is NOT looking for Christ. He may accept Christ as part of the deliverance of his soul, but not as the object of his worship. The Orthodoxy just happened to get ahold of him before anyone else did. And look what happens when his mentor Father Zosima dies; he jumps ship and decides to bury himself within that murk of worldy hatred he was trying to get away from. This leads us to our second problem; Alyosha is not in search of a changed life, which will inevitably take time. He is looking for a "quick deed", like a martyrdom, that will immediatley satiate his desire for truth and justice to be served. Sadly for Alyosha, this "quick deed" is nowhere to be found within the constructs of the Orthodoxy. Perhaps it is for that very reason that Father Zosima sends Alyosha out into the world, knowing full well that what he is seeking does not lie inside the walls of the monastery.
There is one last thing to consider here; Alyosha is described as a "lover of mankind", not a lover of men. The difference in wording is miniscule, but the difference has immense importance, because this is what makes Alyosha the perfect Revolutionary. When one is a lover of mankind, you are not necessarily a lover of individual men, but a lover of men as an idea. With this perspective, the sacrifice of individual men is allowable for the good of Man as a whole. So what is a young, impressionable, Russian youth with a desire for the quick enaction of truth and justice to do? The Orthodoxy can't help him because, again, it does not offer the quick enaction of truth and justice upon the masses. The prospect of Revolution, however, does. Christianity offers a lifetime of sanctification and slow progress of character. Revolution offers the chance to satisfy your desire for justice in the time it takes to pull the trigger of a pistol. Couple this with his love of "mankind", and you've got yourself a dyed-in-the-wool Bolshevik revolutionary.
So what can we do? We can't kill him before he does any damage, because then you become Alyosha, opting for the "quick deed" that satisfies your thirst for justice. We can't let him roam free, because then there is nothing to stop him. To quote Reynolds, "It's easier to exterminate the ruling class than kill Anastasia." Can we put him back in the monastery? Maybe, but what's to keep him there? Once he sees that the Orthodox can't give him truth and justice now, won't he just leave? Perhaps the question is how do we fix him . . . and to tell you the truth I have no idea if you actually can fix him. And where does that leave us? Is it enough to follow in his wake, doing damage control the best we can and as fast as we can? Is it enough to live the best we can and hope he stays clear of us and our children? I don't think that we can resign ourselves to that. But still . . . I have no answers (big surprise), only more questions and doubts. Ugh.
In other news . . . Morielle is amazing and it's okay that I can't figure this out. Take that Dostoyevsky.
"Before anything else I declare that this youth, Alyosha, was in no sense a fanatic, nor even in my opinion at any rate a mystic at all. I shall state in advance my opinion; he was simply an early lover of mankind, and if he had struck out along the monastery road it was only because he had at that time made a strong impression on him and presented itself to him as, so to speak, an ideal of deliverance for his soul, straining as it was out of the murk of worldly hatred unto the lights of love."
"Add to this that he was in part a youth of our most recent times, that is to say honest by his very nature, demanding truth and justice, seeking and striving to believe in them and, having come to do so, demanding with all the power of his soul an immediate part in them, demanding a quick deed, with the unbending desire to sacrifice everything for that deed, even his life."
-The Brothers Karamozov, Fyodor Dostoyevsky
To tell you the truth, I'm getting very tired of these kinds of questions, but in light of my understanding of the Brothers K it is a question that needs to be asked; What shall we do with Alyosha? The question seems absurd to most people who have read the book, seeing as Alyosha is the one that we sympathize the most; he is the one who is trying to heal his family from all the dysfunction and madness that threatens to consume it. Of course he is less of a threat than the over-intellectual Ivan and the base-driven Mitya, right? Hmmmmmmmm. . . . maybe the answer is't as clear as one might think. Sure Mitya is the one who revels in his base pleasures, but who is he likely to harm by his actions? Besides the odd house servant, only himself. Ivan? Although he is unnervingly intelligent and could probably think circles around any other character in the book, this does not serve to his credit. All his rationale and philosophy leaves him alone in his house, raving mad, unable to do harm to, again, anyone but himself. But Alyosha . . . this is where things get interesting.
Most of this has been brought about when I learned that Dostoyevsky intended to write a sequel to his novel The Brothers Karamozov in which the Alyosha that we all know and love becomes a revolutionary (that is, he would have written it if he hadn't died first). Yes, our dear humble and religious minded Alyosha ends up a revolutionary. This, while it should not totally change your view of Alyosha, colors our perceptions of him, especially in regards to the passages listed above. This may serve to confuse even more, seeing as characteristics such as being an "early lover of mankind", and "demanding truth and justice" are not normally considered character flaws. These things are not necessarily dangerous, but can be within the right person. Why is Alyosha "this" person? Two things, the first of which is this; Dostoyevsky makes it painfully clear that Alyosha is on the religious path because it is what happened to make the strongest impression on him at the time, and he decided that this would be the instrument for the "deliverance of his soul". If socialism had gotten to him first, he would have been the most gung-ho socialist you ever set your beady little eyes on. What does this show us? That Alyosha is not in the monastery for the right reasons; he is an imressionable youth looking for relief for his soul. He is NOT looking for Christ. He may accept Christ as part of the deliverance of his soul, but not as the object of his worship. The Orthodoxy just happened to get ahold of him before anyone else did. And look what happens when his mentor Father Zosima dies; he jumps ship and decides to bury himself within that murk of worldy hatred he was trying to get away from. This leads us to our second problem; Alyosha is not in search of a changed life, which will inevitably take time. He is looking for a "quick deed", like a martyrdom, that will immediatley satiate his desire for truth and justice to be served. Sadly for Alyosha, this "quick deed" is nowhere to be found within the constructs of the Orthodoxy. Perhaps it is for that very reason that Father Zosima sends Alyosha out into the world, knowing full well that what he is seeking does not lie inside the walls of the monastery.
There is one last thing to consider here; Alyosha is described as a "lover of mankind", not a lover of men. The difference in wording is miniscule, but the difference has immense importance, because this is what makes Alyosha the perfect Revolutionary. When one is a lover of mankind, you are not necessarily a lover of individual men, but a lover of men as an idea. With this perspective, the sacrifice of individual men is allowable for the good of Man as a whole. So what is a young, impressionable, Russian youth with a desire for the quick enaction of truth and justice to do? The Orthodoxy can't help him because, again, it does not offer the quick enaction of truth and justice upon the masses. The prospect of Revolution, however, does. Christianity offers a lifetime of sanctification and slow progress of character. Revolution offers the chance to satisfy your desire for justice in the time it takes to pull the trigger of a pistol. Couple this with his love of "mankind", and you've got yourself a dyed-in-the-wool Bolshevik revolutionary.
So what can we do? We can't kill him before he does any damage, because then you become Alyosha, opting for the "quick deed" that satisfies your thirst for justice. We can't let him roam free, because then there is nothing to stop him. To quote Reynolds, "It's easier to exterminate the ruling class than kill Anastasia." Can we put him back in the monastery? Maybe, but what's to keep him there? Once he sees that the Orthodox can't give him truth and justice now, won't he just leave? Perhaps the question is how do we fix him . . . and to tell you the truth I have no idea if you actually can fix him. And where does that leave us? Is it enough to follow in his wake, doing damage control the best we can and as fast as we can? Is it enough to live the best we can and hope he stays clear of us and our children? I don't think that we can resign ourselves to that. But still . . . I have no answers (big surprise), only more questions and doubts. Ugh.
In other news . . . Morielle is amazing and it's okay that I can't figure this out. Take that Dostoyevsky.
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